She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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