My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
