I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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