Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
