Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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