well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
