i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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