Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
