between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
