drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
