Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
