Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
