Don't you send me to vm
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
