my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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