i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
