no, he came in my armpit
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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