We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
