Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
