I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
