How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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