Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize