My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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