I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
