After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
