Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
