ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
