Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
