He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
