Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
