id be glad to
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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