Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
