Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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