bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
