And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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