Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
