I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
