8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
