On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
