if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
