you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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