So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
