I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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