brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
