wrigley field is MILF paradise
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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