so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
