morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
