so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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