oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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