I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A bitchslap is in order.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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