I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
