She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
