I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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