You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
