I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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