Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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