how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize