Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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