You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
