so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
