Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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