All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
