i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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