How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
