Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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