actually, I'm a sock model
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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